Unbelievable that the blog I started those years back when I was working nights at Singnet Helpdesk has now turned 10.

This past 10 years have been incredible to me and this blog has been with me, through all the laughter and the tears. While readership has definitely gone down, but it doesn't matter, because ultimately, this blog was for me.

A place to pour out my sorrows, to share my joys and to remind myself that Life is Beautiful.

Thank you Xanga for hosting my blog for the past 10 years. And thank you to all who have browsed through these pages. It means a lot to me. I have something special planned for the blog later tonight. Will share more when its ready :)

3 years ago today, I was at the lowest point of my life.

Ironically, 3 years ago today, my Godson Jayden was born. I thank God I survived the darkest times in my life to bounce back and celebrate 3 birthdays with him. I want to be able to celebrate many more with him.

In retrospect, I have no regrets for what happened 3 years ago today. When you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. Things have definitely changed for the better. Did I ever imagine that life would rebound like that? Honestly no.

I am grateful for everyone who rallied around me in those dark times. In no order of importance:

- Irene, Shawn and the entire family, whose generosity enabled me to pick myself up. Being able to get up every morning and go to their house was truly a blessing in those first few weeks.

- Ben, who kept me company, back in the home I had abandoned and had to return to.

- Sharon, who introduced me to a wealth of supportive resources and dragged me to my first OC event and Sayoni dinner.

- Irene, my love, my companion, my support, who kept me company online and off during the first dark weeks and who has proven to be more wonderful than possible in these past 3 years.

- OCW3, whose support I looked forward to every week.

- V, my therapist who did not judge and instead helped me through my issues.

- My Sis Em and the darling little Godson Jayden, who reminded me that life is so much worth living for.

- Sayoni, the force that showed me that there is a social life after a failed relationship and that the community is definitely worth contributing to.

- My friends, William, Michelle, Daniel who sent me their love, comfort and support at separate times.

- My ex-boss Elvin, for doing the right thing, at the right time.

- My family who asked no questions and allowed me to find my own way.

- My BFF Denny, for believing in me, even when I had given up and almost lost everything.

In these 3 years, I've grown a lot and achieved some pretty amazing things. If you told me 3 years ago that this was where I would be, I would never have believed it.

Before:
- Lost my job
- Living in my mom's flat which was incidentally a total wreck
- Just got out of a horrific failed relationship
- No idea what the future holds whatsover
- Depressed
- Was smoking and drinking my life away

Now:
- Co-own my very own HDB 3-room flat with my mom
- Cleaned up and redid the flat into liveable conditions with some definite home-improvement
- Live together with my girlfriend in said flat
- Have shares in/co-own 4 companies
- Quit smoking!
- Only do very limited social drinking.
- Volunteer in 2 organisations that helped me get here - Sayoni & OC
- No longer depressed and am really looking forward to what life brings.

The future:
- Do major renovation for flat including full overhaul
- Have kids within the next 2 years
- Seriously build my empire, I'm slowly but surely getting there
- Continue being healthier and happier

Thank you. Everyone.

Now to another 30 years of goodness!

Everything starts with an idea.

A tiny spark that ignites the passion of a person or persons. These people are the ones who ensure that the idea becomes reality. I like to think I'm one of those dream-makers.

I believe in making things happen. I prefer to do and not just think without action.

Over the years, I've observed that about myself. The motivation that drives me forward is often from a source within. I can hardly identify it, but I know exists.

When people ask me why, I can't explain. I can only express that I feel strongly enough about the fact that I need to do it.

Sometimes certain ideas require time. Other times it requires money. I've also done some that require time, money and a little bit of myself.

So I guess the question now is, what is the limit?

When do you stop giving pieces of yourself away and start making yourself whole again?

Or is there even such a thing? Maybe the entire process is simply the act of being.

My being.

And each dream that I help transform into reality, is simply another part of me.

What an idea!

In the past year I've abandoned quite a few half written blog posts. Somehow, I set out writing them, but never get to finish. One was about Sayoni Summer Camp '09 and the AWARE saga that was happening at the same time. Another was about the fibroid removal open surgery I had 2 months ago. Tonight, I must finish this one.

After the crazy sleepless week I've had... I'm winding down on Saturday night and can't help but feel a sense of deja vu. I'm reminded of back when I used to work in Procon. Week nights spent madly rushing whatever project it was, weekends spent at home, still worrying about the never ending work that is to be done. I remember that one time, where I worked 100 days in a row, no weekends, no nights, just pure work. The weeks where I averaged 3-4 hours of sleep every night. The files on my table, the emails in my inbox, the never ending sound of my phone ringing. All of which ended 2.5 years ago.

Now as I ease myself into this lifestyle again, I'm careful to remind myself about the pitfalls of working too hard. Of being in that awful place where life revolved around a job that took up too much time and paid way too little. I devoted myself to a company that I like to believe I helped succeed, having being there when there was all of 2 full time staff. In those days, we had to do everything from writing proposals, planning events and doing set up. I remember carrying pull up banners, brochures, stationery and ALU poles to events, setting up alone and going back at the end of day to bring it all back to the office.

And now it seems like I'm going right back where I started.

The next 3 weeks is going to be challenging. I hope this time it's easier. At least the rewards at the end look to be better. It's time to finish what I started!

So everyone's been asking where is my wishlist for this year. I finally decided to sit down and work on it for real, seeing as how my party is set for this Saturday.

The Big 3-0 Wish List:
1. Good Health - Number one thing on my wishlist. Can someone find a cure for iron deficiency anemia that doesn't involve cutting me up?

2. Time with my friends - As with last year, this is something I resolve to do even more this year. I was getting good at it, but kinda backslided as my health got the better of me. Must do it better this year!

3. Introduce a friend to Sayoni - One of the best gifts that anyone can give. Sayoni will only get bigger and better!

So I really tried very hard to write a wishlist this year, but I think I have everything I want that money can buy. Other than that black with red leather interior BMW Z4 and a nice holiday home in the Bahamas.

And then... Alina gave me a great idea. Here is a list of things NOT to buy me:

1. Anything that is pointless/useless/has no meaning - I absolutely hate getting gifts that are just going to gather dust and sit in my already cramped 3 room HDB apartment.

2. Soft toys - They are cute and cuddly and all that. But for anyone who has been to my home, you'll know I have waaaaay too many of these little creatures and while they are cute and cuddly and all that... they are simply sitting on the shelves gathering dust.

3. Chocolate - I know I'm known to love chocolates, but its really ruining my diet plan! Plus I always end up chucking it in the fridge and forgetting about it until its way past its expiry date.

4. Bath soups/Body lotion/Other random toiletries from Bodyshop, Marks & Spencers or other sweet smelling store - I'm incredibly fussy about the stuff I use on my body, so there's a good chance that anything in this catogory I receive, I end up giving it away to someone else (who is hopefully less fussy than I am).

5. Anything Piglet related - Yes, I'm a huge fan of that little pig from Winnie the Pooh. But in case you haven't noticed... I'm THIRTY this year! I don't need anymore Piglet mugs, cushions, toilet paper holders or vanity stands. I've OUTGROWN it!

6. Anything that is GREEN - As in the colour Green. In case you don't know, its the colour I detest most in this world and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing it or using anything in that colour unless I have no choice. Sorry Mom!

7. Accessories - I have ALOT of accessories. Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, watches. And over the years, I've come to realise that I use less than half of what I own. The main problem is I have fairly sensitive skin that's intolerant to anything that's not made of real silver or gold. Add my fussy sense of style to it and you should be able to see why it's no surprise that most accessories I receive as gifts end up sitting in my drawers and being used only once a year when I'm meeting up with person who bought said gift.

8. Notebook/Diary/Journal/Yearly Planner - I'm a techie kind of girl. I have a blog and I do my planning/scheduling on my Google calendar that's synced with my Nokia E71. Any book with blank pages is just going to end up in a corner ...(wait for it)... gathering dust.

9. Aromatherapy oils/Scented candles/scented joss sticks - I like the candlelight romance once in a while, but with Irene's sinus problems, its just not very practical. Currently I have a box of unused tea-lights, 2 boxes of scented joss sticks and 4 bottles of unopened therapy oil. You get the idea.

10. Clothes - Unless you are absolutely SURE that I will like it, don't buy it.

In all honesty, I'm just happy to have everyone come to my party. So seriously, don't worry about buying pressies and what not. I'ld rather you save your money than to spend it on something that's going to be gathering dust. Just come, have a good time, down a couple of drinks with me and I'm happy.