June 22, 2012
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其实，她也算是我的女儿
This is part 2 of a piece I wrote back in 2009. Part 1 can be found here: Going Home for the Chinese New Year。
Since 2009, I have been calling Irene's mom 阿姨.
We celebrated 阿姨's birthday with lunch at Straits Cafe, Hotel Rendezvous today. It was surprisingly delicious and the spread was good. There was seafood, sashimi, good laksa, durian desserts and awesome teh tarik, for $39++ with a 2 for 1 promotion. We also got a cake and the staff there were very helpful, making arrangements for the cake etc.
Today was significant as this is the first time we have celebrated her birthday together with extended family present. In the past she was rather resistant to us going out with members of the family. Whenever we suggested it, she would say she preferred that we didn't. This year, we had lunch with 小姨 and her children. It was fun and we even went shopping after.
It was while shopping that something very touching happened. We were looking at a pair of casual shoes for Irene in Bata. While she was trying on the shoes for size, the salesman who was an old uncle looked at us and asked 阿姨 “这是你女儿吗?”(Are these your daughters?) adding that “她们长的很像。” (They look alike.) She laughed and pointed to Irene "这个是我的女儿。" (This is my daughter) before pausing, turning to me and adding “其实，她也算是我的女儿。“(Actually, she can be considered as my daughter too)
I could hardly believe it when she said it. I looked at her and almost felt like bursting into tears. It has been a long road to acceptance. Two years ago, when we first told her we were planning to have children, she was unable to accept it. She could not comprehend how it could happen and I often worried if she would consider any child I gave birth to as her grandchild. Last year, while we were considering having a commitment ceremony/wedding party, we found that although she would attend, she strongly refused to invite any family members. She cautioned Irene many times that she would prefer not to tell her family about us and hoped we would respect her choice.
Today, I am glad to say that it does get better. Over the past 4 years, there has been a slow and steady improvement. With each Chinese New Year, each dinner together, the relationship between us has grown. From meeting once every 3 months, we now have dinner more often. She enjoys updating us with the shenanigans of the extended family, often sharing gossip that she probably wouldn't tell outsiders. She remembers the kind of 肉粽 I like, making sure that she brings some for us each year. Most importantly, she now considers me as her daughter. Maybe someday soon, we will have that wedding party we've been planning and after that I can finally call her 妈。
