Watched a recent episode of "How I Met Your Mother" and they were exploring the concept of "Reacher" vs "Settler".

The basic premise of it is that in every relationship, there is some kind of imbalance.

Reacher: A person who gets together with someone that surpasses their standards.
Settler: A person who settled for someone.

I've always consider my relationship to be fairly even. Sure, I settled on some counts, but I definitely reached on others. So what do you do when you get to a tipping point in a relationship?

I'm not the easiest person on the planet to live with. I know I have my faults. I can be the worst person with the people I love most dearly. I'm as bitchy as they come and I know that only the people who truly love me can put up with me. Which makes it even more frustrating for me that I reached a tipping point today.

I dislike feeling this way. I hate how everything feels now. It feels like the familiarity in my life is gone and its replaced with a huge hole of uncertainty.

Just when we had things going. Just when we were looking to the future.

Now I am looking back.

What now?

So everyone's been asking where is my wishlist for this year. I finally decided to sit down and work on it for real, seeing as how my party is set for this Saturday.

The Big 3-0 Wish List:
1. Good Health - Number one thing on my wishlist. Can someone find a cure for iron deficiency anemia that doesn't involve cutting me up?

2. Time with my friends - As with last year, this is something I resolve to do even more this year. I was getting good at it, but kinda backslided as my health got the better of me. Must do it better this year!

3. Introduce a friend to Sayoni - One of the best gifts that anyone can give. Sayoni will only get bigger and better!

So I really tried very hard to write a wishlist this year, but I think I have everything I want that money can buy. Other than that black with red leather interior BMW Z4 and a nice holiday home in the Bahamas.

And then... Alina gave me a great idea. Here is a list of things NOT to buy me:

1. Anything that is pointless/useless/has no meaning - I absolutely hate getting gifts that are just going to gather dust and sit in my already cramped 3 room HDB apartment.

2. Soft toys - They are cute and cuddly and all that. But for anyone who has been to my home, you'll know I have waaaaay too many of these little creatures and while they are cute and cuddly and all that... they are simply sitting on the shelves gathering dust.

3. Chocolate - I know I'm known to love chocolates, but its really ruining my diet plan! Plus I always end up chucking it in the fridge and forgetting about it until its way past its expiry date.

4. Bath soups/Body lotion/Other random toiletries from Bodyshop, Marks & Spencers or other sweet smelling store - I'm incredibly fussy about the stuff I use on my body, so there's a good chance that anything in this catogory I receive, I end up giving it away to someone else (who is hopefully less fussy than I am).

5. Anything Piglet related - Yes, I'm a huge fan of that little pig from Winnie the Pooh. But in case you haven't noticed... I'm THIRTY this year! I don't need anymore Piglet mugs, cushions, toilet paper holders or vanity stands. I've OUTGROWN it!

6. Anything that is GREEN - As in the colour Green. In case you don't know, its the colour I detest most in this world and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing it or using anything in that colour unless I have no choice. Sorry Mom!

7. Accessories - I have ALOT of accessories. Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, watches. And over the years, I've come to realise that I use less than half of what I own. The main problem is I have fairly sensitive skin that's intolerant to anything that's not made of real silver or gold. Add my fussy sense of style to it and you should be able to see why it's no surprise that most accessories I receive as gifts end up sitting in my drawers and being used only once a year when I'm meeting up with person who bought said gift.

8. Notebook/Diary/Journal/Yearly Planner - I'm a techie kind of girl. I have a blog and I do my planning/scheduling on my Google calendar that's synced with my Nokia E71. Any book with blank pages is just going to end up in a corner ...(wait for it)... gathering dust.

9. Aromatherapy oils/Scented candles/scented joss sticks - I like the candlelight romance once in a while, but with Irene's sinus problems, its just not very practical. Currently I have a box of unused tea-lights, 2 boxes of scented joss sticks and 4 bottles of unopened therapy oil. You get the idea.

10. Clothes - Unless you are absolutely SURE that I will like it, don't buy it.

In all honesty, I'm just happy to have everyone come to my party. So seriously, don't worry about buying pressies and what not. I'ld rather you save your money than to spend it on something that's going to be gathering dust. Just come, have a good time, down a couple of drinks with me and I'm happy.

Last Sunday I participated in my very first triathlon. While it was only a team event for me as I was a competitor for my company, the experience has motivated me to the point where I am considering to do it solo in the future. It was a humbling experience watching all these people who worked so hard to complete this grueling competition. I met a lot of interesting people, including some kind co-competitors who asked if I was ok when I was dry-heaving on the side of the road at the AYE.

Collecting my race pack on Friday afternoon.

With Lynn after we had both collected our race packs

The many many tags that came in the race pack

My competitor's tag that I had to wear for 2 whole days!

My poor bike that was rained on for the entire Saturday afternoon and night. Fortunately it is still in perfect condition on race morning.

My transition bag that is filled with all my race essentials including food, drinks, medication and all my tags.

After being number stamped in the wee hours of the morning. I got to the race site at 5:30 am!

At the race start point, while waiting for our swimmers to start the race.

Making my U-turn on the first loop. (Photo courtesy of YX)

The gorgeous medal and T-shirt I got, even though I didn't finish the race. I feel bad about owning it, but my team-mates insisted I get it.

Although I did not manage to complete the race, but I am going to try again next year. In the meantime, I'm considering joining the OSIM Triathlon this year

I'm not really sure.

IN a world where women are constantly under threat by men, I find it painful to see the scars borne bravely by this man child. Barely 21, already jaded and suicidal. I can pull this one out of that sea of depression and set him straight onto a forward path. I mean, some kind of miracle worker I am not, but I can be his guardian angel for now.

Which sets me thinking, is blood really thicker than water? Who is our true family? What sins must be committed in order to deserve being starved by your flesh and blood? Do we treat our friends better than our family?

It honestly makes no sense to me.

I hope he heals and learns that life can be about happiness. It does not always have to be about perfection, achievements, money, approval or suffering.

Find the courage again. Find that spark. You are too young to be thinking that its the end of the world. Gather your strength around you and be free. Your journey begins now.

Because Ms Teo complained to me today that I haven't been blogging, I decided I should get off my butt and make a quick post.

There is 5 days left to the Aviva Ironman 70.3 event. I haven't had a chance to cycle since last Sunday. The only cycling I did was some spinning at the gym yesterday. This is NOT looking good. The only comfort I have is that the top speed I've clocked so far is 30.5 km/hr and I know I can go faster. If I can keep at that speed during the event, I should be able to finish in around 3 to 3.5 hours. Well, as long as I finish under 4 hours, I'll be perfectly happy.

Here's to hoping for some sunny days in the upcoming week so that I can actually get some riding in!

***This blog was first written for the Sayoni blog and is a cross post

This Chinese New Year was an interesting experience for me and my girlfriend. Having dated for close to a year, it was about time that we had that “meet the extended family” session with her family.

On my side, she has already met my aunties, uncles and much of my extended family including my grandma when I brought her to Jakarta for a visit. My grandma even lived with us for a month when she came to Singapore. So it was no surprise when my uncle assumed she would be joining us for reunion lunch by sending me a SMS with the details of the lunch and ending it with “Irene is coming right?” The only reason why she hasn’t met my parents is because they both live on the other side of the world. If we are to visit, I am sure my mother will welcome Irene and ask her when we are going to give her grandchildren. As for my father, even though I’m not out to him, I will not hesitate to bring Irene to meet him if he comes to town.

Her family though, is another story.

Her mother has specifically told her that she is not to come out to anyone in the extended family, especially her grandmother. Irene’s mother is the third in a family with ten children. Most of them are married and have moved out, but they still gather at her grandmother’s home for dinner every week. Her family is fairly traditional Chinese. Although Irene came out to her mother more than a year ago, her mother could not really accept fact that she was a lesbian. In fact, it was not until we had been in a relationship for over three months and Irene had moved into my place that her mother decided she wanted to meet me. At our first meeting, I got the impression that her mother did not completely understand that her daughter was dating a female. She was definitely surprised when she discovered that I was not a young girl, but actually a mature woman.

After the initial dinner, we met up only once more due to conflicting schedules. I doubted that her mother had much of an impression of me, although she was quite chatty during the two times we met. So I was pleasantly surprised when I met her mother for lunch a week before Chinese New Year. We had to do a one on one lunch as Irene was on a business trip in China and her mother needed advice on some letters she had received. During the lunch, she expressed how she felt Irene had changed after getting to know me and how I was a positive influence on her. The surprise came when she asked, “Would you like to have reunion dinner at our home?” and she promptly added, “Oh no!  I haven’t told Irene that I will ask you.”  She went on to reveal that no one in the family knew about Irene and I. Instead, they had been told that she was living with a “good friend” because the “good friend’s” parents were overseas and the “good friend” was living alone.  She also mentioned that she had suggested coming to our place to visit a few times and Irene had seemed scared of letting her do that. I quickly assured her that she was welcome at our place anytime and that I would consider going over for reunion dinner after discussing with Irene.

Eventually, I did end up going for reunion dinner at her grandmother’s home and it was quite a warming experience. Upon arrival, I gave Irene’s mother the kueh lapis (traditional Indonesian cake that has many layers) my auntie had insisted I bring as a gift to Irene’s family. As I explained about the homemade cake, I could feel all eyes on me, the only stranger in the house. I was embarrassed to hear a female voice proclaiming loudly, “Wah, so nice of her to bring a gift for you and such a thoughtful gift. Even better than having a son-in-law hor?”  This was only the beginning of a series of such moments.

After the preliminary introductions, I sat in the room while Irene showed me her childhood photos. All the family members, especially her cousins, kept popping their heads by the door, but none came into the room, content to just stare at the unexpected visitor from afar. I was beginning to feel like some dangerous animal on display at the zoo, especially when one of her aunts stood by the door and explained to her cousin that “This is Irene jie-jie’s “good friend”, cannot disturb her ok?” Shortly after, Irene’s mother came in to ask us to get a seat for dinner. When I told her that, “It’s ok Auntie, I am not hungry yet”, she suddenly turned and exclaimed loudly in Chinese, “Can you don’t call me Auntie? It feels so distant, like we are strangers. I would prefer if you called me 阿姨”(which is basically the Chinese equivalent of Aunt).  I could barely keep myself from blushing, even though I had no idea why it embarrassed me so much.

Throughout the evening, Irene’s family members came up with ways to show their silent support of us, by simply not asking questions and accepting that I was there. At one point, Irene’s 5^th aunt came up to us and started lecturing in Chinese.

“In life, it is very difficult to find soul mates. Therefore, it is very important that you treasure your special friendship. Remember that in the future, even your husband may not be as important as your soul mate!”

Then she gave us both a pat on the back and left with a knowing smile. I could not decide if she was genuinely clueless or this was her way of showing her approval.

The next day, when we returned to her grandmother’s house to “bai nian”, we were greeted warmly by everyone who was already there. Before long, red packets found their way into my hands as the various uncles and aunties gave them out to the children. When all the cousins were gathered in the living room, 阿姨 grabbed hold of one of her cousins and asked him “Is this jie-jie pretty?” and he answered “I don’t know” all the while trying to avoid looking at me.  阿姨 continued by complimenting me on my new top, saying that it was very pretty and suitable for New Year. I suppose the stark contrast between me in my pretty pink blouse-white skirt combination and Irene in her nice shirt with capri pants highlighted how different we were, yet how good we looked together. Later on, when  Irene’s 10 year old cousin, Abigail found out that we cook quite often, she got very excited and self invited herself for dinner. She even asked me if I would cook cereal prawns for them as it was one of her favourite dishes.

All in all, the entire Chinese New Year experience at Irene’s grandmother’s home was very positive. Although a stranger in their home, I felt welcomed by everyone, from Irene’s grandmother, who presented me with a red packet, to her cousins who started talking to me and asking if they could come for dinner. The strangest thing was no one asked anything about our relationship. There were no questions on how we got to know each other, what kind of work I do, how old I am or even the obligatory ones like “Do you have a boyfriend?”

So is this the classic Chinese family tradition of dealing with gay children? A “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy? I don’t know, but I have to say they are beginning to feel like family, especially 阿姨.

After such an eventful week, we decided to spend Valentine's Day at home so that we could catch up with some housework and spend time at home quietly instead of trying to squeeze with the hundreds of people for an over-priced dinner, crazily expensive flowers and generally grossly commercialised Valentine's Day.

So I made use of my new oven to bake some heart-shaped Valentine's Day cookies and also grilled us some chicken for dinner. The result was quite a bit of fun and laughter and although I burnt a batch of heart shaped cookies, at least the others came out ok

First you add the egg

Then you mix the cookie dough

Roll it out into shapes

And after 10 minutes in the oven, you get "Princess Loves Bunny" cookies!

The Bunny also specially requested me to make "poop" cookies for her, after her recent "poop" obsession on Pet Society

The "poop" cookies actually turned out pretty nice

Unlike this batch of heart-shaped cookies that got burnt ... Then the Bunny say I "hei xin"!!!

After successfully baking a jar of cookies, decided to try out the grill function of the new oven

And the result was yummy chicken thigh fillets for dinner!

We didn't really do much, just baking, cooking, laundry and catching a movie on DVD. Yet, sometimes it is the simple things in life that make you appreciate life all that much more. Thank you for such a simple yet happy Valentine's Day... With you, everyday is special so its V'day every day!

A few days ago was the Bunny's birthday and also our 1st year anniversary. After last year's tiring Amazing Race effort, I had decided that this year would be something quieter and less complicated. Therefore, to celebrate the occasion, I planned a surprise 3 day 2 night getaway to Batam for us.  In order to keep it a surprise, I had to tell a few white lies. The important thing was to get her to Harbour Front on Monday evening, so I told her that we were meeting our friends for dinner at Vivocity that night. What she didn't know was, there was NO dinner. Instead, I packed the luggage and proceeded to check it in when I arrived at Harbour Front after work. Then I met her at the MRT station to surprise her with the first gift: A new passport holder with her ferry ticket and boarding pass inside. That was where the adventure began.

Photoblog:

Her first gift

Unwrapping the present

Ferry ticket to Batam!

Camwhoring begins!

Matching passport holders

Before we board the ferry, with random Indo dude sneaking into the picture...

Stealing a kiss on the ferry

We have arrived!

Lobby of Harris Resort in Batam

Huge comfy bed in the special Japanese Suite we were upgraded to


Japanese style living room of the suite

Flowers for the bath


Outdoor stone bath tub ala Japanese hot spring style

Birthday cake for the birthday Bunny

Happy Birthday Bunny!

The anniversary present I made for her. A scrapbook chronicling our first year together.

Kitties we saw during breakfast

"Will stretch for food!"

Poolside view

Camwhoring in the sun

Fallen asleep?

Jacuzzi tub with a view at the Spa

Special honeymoon rooms for couple spa packages

Location of our Anniversary dinner

Huge ass coconut for the Bunny


Our yummy seafood dinner

With the highlight of the dinner: 2 crabs!


Camwhoring in the room before going for another round of tanning


Still working on that tan line

Kitty on chair alert!

Indonesian satay and gado gado for lunch


"I Love U"


Testing out her bowling skills


"This is how you bowl"


End of vacation


Tired but very happy

The vacation seemed to fly by so fast that we couldn't really believe it was the end of the getaway so soon. However, I have to say it was a truly wonderful. There were no pressures on time, we did whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We swam, we tanned, we ate, we slept, we went shopping, we had massages, we bowled, we made love. After being together for 1 year, we finally had the chance to remove all distractions and just enjoy each other's company. It was the first vacation we had taken together on our own. The focus was to spend quality time together and that was what we did. A totally internet free 2 days, doing basically nothing except for R&R. It was a truly great vacation and we had so much fun that we honestly didn't want it to end. We both came back from it feeling very refreshed and uplifted.

I can't wait until we can go for our next short getaway